Punctum

I guess saying that I should keep updating doesn't work... so I'll just be random with my entries... no stress!

So, I've been out of school for over 6 months now and I feel like I'm losing my edge... or maybe not, maybe its time to just change things around... I'll get back to you on this one.

On another note, I've gone back through my past photography and came upon this one


I've found punctum in it... (Barthes' word to "that which peirces the viewer") ...

She's wearing nailpolish that's completely chipped, not perfect... it wasn't my intention to put focus on that, but it brings a new meaning to this photograph...

A time to update...

So I guess I need to update since it’s been almost a month now. I haven’t been catching trains as much lately considering that a lot has happened in the last month. I’ve taken some time off from the city life for a couple of weeks and it did some good. I didn’t find any new ideas for my photography yet but I do know that I want to start some 4x5 formats. With that in mind, I need to find myself a new light meter for my large format camera. So for now, I’ll keep posting newer stuff.

A perfect train related suicide?...

A beautiful night to bike 10km to the humpyard and stand atop the bridge over the tracks to...

...watch and photograph the intermodals come in.

Not to kill myself.

Softcore ride warrior

On my way back to Moncton, I decided to take the train.


Via meets Via!

Lovely

Sweet home life.... in my backyard!
I use to hate it here, with nothing to do. But I was wrong... I lay on the grass and am one with nature... ok, not really, but I'm sensing a new beginning... photograph everything...

MISSED!!

Well, it just so happens that I missed the best evening sky ever for shooting train 408. Saturday June 6th, the full moon was out (or almost full) and the sky was a purple-ish blue from the sunset… I was right where the old coliseum was and could see a good part of the train going by since there’s such a large clearing there. I was so disappointed that I didn’t have my camera with me. I ALWAYS have it with me. It was the perfect sky with the moon shining right above the train. I took a few pictures with my camera phone, but it’s not very good quality and I haven’t figured out how to upload the photos on my computer… what a bummer! I hoped the next night would be the same, but unfortunately it was cloudy… GAH!! What a shot!

Graarrr

The plow part of the train....

My variation through paint...

Caught in a storm, stuck in quicksand...

A serious unwanted whirlwind… what do I mean by that?... I have no idea, actually.

Or not… yes, I do know what I mean, but it’s hard to explain into words…

It’s like, a jumbled up though process that I can’t clear up in my head… I’m lost… lost in this reality. Or maybe it’s this fantasy? Or imagination?...sometimes, my creative mind at work can sometimes get overwhelming. I wonder what I’d be like if I didn’t think so much… if I didn’t create. What would I be without art?... I’d be ignorant, and ignorance is bliss… everything would seem so meaningless… I’d be good… I’d be happy…. I’d stop thinking…

If only I could stop thinking… especially into the past…

Needing a change?

I love the railroad. But I’m at a loss for finding new ways to interpret this subject. I paint the same paintings, I photograph the same images, and I watch the same things over and over about trains. But I still wait for that spark of inspiration to come. I know it will… I just need one little something to catch my eye… something different…

Maybe the railroading world is meant to be left aside, but still an ongoing project that I keep maybe only as a hobby. Maybe I need to switch it up a little bit.

…. I dunno.

Waiting...

... for inspiration....

4x5 color negatives... a no-existant process of development

So, I'm unable to find anywhere in Moncton to develop 4x5 color negatives. It’s sad how people today have all converted to the digital world. It hasn’t occurred to anybody that digital photography is completely not the same as traditional?... It’s sad to find out that artists like me who take traditional photography seriously isn’t able to develop a simple good quality 4x5 color negative. I’m trying to create an impression of lights into a masterpiece but am limited because of technology. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against it. I just don’t see why film photography has to disappear, because, let’s face it, it soon will and only artists like me will try to keep it alive. Struggling.

Film photography has a completely different quality to digital. It’s tangible, it’s real. You don’t use a darkroom to load up your pictures on a computer waiting for it to do the work. Oh no sir! Darkrooms are used to actually witness the process of development through lights and chemicals. As for black and white, you can actually see the image appear right before your eyes… it’s like magic! Why would we want to let this all go?

Of course we all find that the traditional ways take more time, but so what? Time is all we have. If you think about it, technology is what makes everything go faster. I guess once you go fast, you don’t find any thrill in going slow anymore. But going slow may be what makes a better quality picture. Think about it.

Catching up!!

Ok, so I keep neglecting this blog like crazy! But that’s mostly because I started getting pretty busy by the end of Marsh and most of April finishing up my Visual Arts degree and preparing my ultimate AWESOME expo!!... Ok, so I wasn’t the only one showing my art, but hey, I put a lot of work into it!
Alright, so here’s what’s been going on: I’ve been finishing up on my projects in photography and painting and yes, I still managed to find myself time to eat!
In Painting, I’ve been concentrating more on the “fear” of trains, while in photography; it was more on the subject of “love”. All in all, everything turned out pretty great! Here are a few pictures of my work. Enjoy!

I'll add more of my art over time. I don't wanna overload here.

Other than that, I will be updating more often now since I have so many ideas for this summer… I’ve been watching CN go by most nights now and I’ve found inspiration coming out of my ass!! Its insane! Plus, I’m super excited to work on more 4x5 negatives… yes, remember, I’m more into the traditional stuff. But don’t worry, I’m not completely outdated here, I do have my Canon PowerShot A460 with me at all times in case I miss out! So, stay tuned!

Random nothings (2)

Is this manholes steaming?? but, theres snow all around... facinating!

When I saw all the steam coming out from all around me, I had to record it on video. A picture couldn't have captured the effect and the movement of this vapor.

Random nothings (1)

Every day I walk the same route to my faculty and occasionally stop to enjoy its familiar air. I take pictures now and then since I’m one to admire its random beauty. There’s nothing special about this path, nothing intriguing. It’s not even long enough sometimes to go through a whole song on my iPod. I just take notice of small changes and random things that peak my interest. Like today… I noticed all the cars in the parking lot seemed stuck in ice.





Other times I notice the sky change colors… or the just the plain ole’ winter weather that gets in my way is taken into photograph…










I love how you can document specific moments into the memory bank with a camera. Although sometimes its nothing compared to the real thing…

Railfan

After coming across this great definition of "Railfan" at http://www.reference.com/browse/trainspotter , I've discovered that I am more of a railway photographing enthusiast than a pure trainspotter. So I guess it's true... I guess I am a Railfan.

A Photographer's Journey

I’ve come across a wonderful book called Trains: a Photographer’s Journey. I thought that I was one of very few photographers who had more of an artistic view on the way I photographed trains since I couldn’t find anyone else who wasn’t a railfan when taking pictures of those machines. But with this book, I discovered Graeme Outerbridge, a photographer who journeyed the world just for the simple pleasure of traveling on trains of all types and photographing them. After flipping through the pages, I realized he had a very abstract way of representing these locomotives. His color photography on these many types of trains from Canada to Spain to Australia is quite vivid and rustic. Some of his abstract photography concentrates more on lines, colors and shapes, and others on movements. Not to think that this book is entirely abstract; there are some very crisp clear shots of trains out in the distance with all its striking beauty and sceneries.

I feel the need to write this wonderful citation from his introduction since I feel that I can relate:

“I’m not the typical train photographer, nor do I have the railfan’s exact metaphysics concerning every detail of railroading. My approach was to treat each train as a new experience and let the journey reveal hidden facts. I wanted to find a visual language to express the experience of train travel. I did my best to capture the sense of movement in my photographs, but of course the sounds of the road and the smell of diesel are missing. A train whistle in the night conjures dreams. One feels an excitement of possibilities; maybe it’s the call to adventure or the promise of escape from troubles that feel inescapable.”

Winter

Why the storm? why not...

Winds gusting, snow blowing...

It shouldn't stop us from going outside...

It doesn't stop me...

The cold

The frost

The snow

The ice

The clouds
Its ominous in some way, forboding...
And when it ends...

It's ultimate silence...

I love it.

Alone...

Every now and then, I need to take a moment in my busy life to just take a breather. Often enough, I put on my coat and head outside in the calm winter’s night to enjoy the fresh air and the beauty of this town I’ve ultimately called my own. So much I’ve walked the same route, the same path, and the same distance to the tracks now that I feel this familiarity to the surrounding area. So much so that I’m not afraid anymore to stay and wait through the night in the same dark area for long periods of time for the train to pass. I’m less afraid in the winter, since it’s so cold. I nestle myself in a snow bank near the tracks and put on my headphones until I feel the rumbling of the locomotive engine nearing. Although I may be out of sight from civilization, I’m not far enough to not hear when the railway warning signals descend. Therefore, I am still safely to the roads distance and yet, know when the train is approaching. It’s a great place to relax and clear my thoughts and just be…

I never thought I’d feel so much solitude during these moments. I feel as if sitting there, watching, hearing, feeling the train go by, I’m alone, on my own. No one is there to tell me what to do, what to say or how to act. I sit there and feel that I have no responsibilities in this world. I feel like I’m escaping. I imagine myself jumping the train, and never coming back. And the fact that I much rather enjoy watching the freight than the passenger train, not only because of its length, but because of its ominous power, it seems to relates to me so much more. It relates to me it because I feel like this train, is a loner…

Being a loner, to me, isn’t a bad thing. I much rather prefer being alone, to my own thoughts, than trying to make the world understand me, because in the end, only I understand myself. I know it’s not always good to keep everything inside, but who will better value and appreciate me than myself? Besides, sometimes it takes too much effort to convince the world of whom and what you are and you can get tired of it.

I’m tired of it….

That’s why I love to sit in the snow and watch the train pass…alone.

A little on the book...

I finished reading A Conductor Tells... Unauthorized Train Stories, and I found this anectode very funny.

Chapter 11
Animals

“Birds get hit all the time as they try to fly and get caught up in the turbulence when the train goes rumbling by. I’ve hit pheasants, ducks, geese, owls, hawks, and sea gulls. Then your more common kind of birds like dove, sparrows, etc. get hit almost every day by trains. We were going by a bird sanctuary in the South of San Francisco Bay area early one morning and the sun had just come up. Engineer Mike Nunn Saw a flock of sea gulls gathered on a levy next to the tracks and decided to blow the horn and make them fly. He thought it would be a pretty sight for the passengers to see all those white gulls in flight with all the color of the early morning sun turning their wings reddish-orange.
He blew the horn and the birds took flight. To Mike’s dismay they all flew right in front of our 70 mph passenger train. One by one they kept hitting the front of the train. He said it sounded like a machine gun as he ducked down under the windshield for fear one might come trough the glass into his lap. He called me on the radio and said he just hit about 50 sea gulls. I didn’t believe him until I went up to the Cab car to talk to him. I looked out the front of the Cab and saw 3 sea gulls lying on the front of the Cab in the doorway. The next day when we were going by the same area I began to notice an abundance of feathers along the right of way and saw all the dead gulls. I was amazed as I tried to count the birds and discovered there really were about 50 dead sea gulls.”

- Ken Lothridge

Blah...

My projects for photography are getting harder and harder to figure out… I’m feeling a little lost… or maybe I’m thinking too much… what is the link? What brings my trains together? I’m still unsure.
I’ve been thinking maybe that I should include myself in my project somehow… to somehow have the spectator be aware of the photographer. Should I be doing self portraits? … I’m getting an artist block…

While I wait... again

It’s hard to find exactly what interests me in the freight train when I photograph it. I’ve gone a couple of nights now to clear my head and hope to catch the train… I had no luck. While I’m waiting, I think of how I could connect it to my model photography. I’ve been in the studio for a while now, changing the scene of things and posing models instead of trains. I’m trying to find that link that makes my two favourite subjects come together like a fairy tale. I know it sounds ridiculous to try and associate the train to a man who’s love is a real live woman. I think it relates to my personal life… I’ve inspired myself from my own love life. I’m not sure why… but I do know that its good inspiration…
I’ve also inspired a little of Mapplethorpe’s nude photography, although I’m not into taking completely nude pictures yet. I find ponctum in them. The way the female bodies are positioned, the shadows that fall onto their bare skin… it’s quite intriguing… I might inspire from him when it comes to working more and more in the studio… I’m not sure why I’ve been cooped up inside that room for photographing, but I think it’s because I’m not very fond of the snow outside right now… winter engulfs my photographs in white. White is everywhere! … Trains, you’ll have to wait…

A new subject...

I’ve started taking an interest in photographing models lately. Ever since I’ve experienced heartbreak, I’ve come across so many ideas for new projects in photography. At first, it all came from an inspirational piece of music such as Coheed and Cambria’s Keeping the Blade, but then I started finding a whole other source of inspiration while actually photographing the models. I usually go with girls because I tend to relate more to them as subjects than men. I’m not exactly sure why that is, but I’m taking a guess that it has to do with the fact that I know a female body more than a male’s. I also seem to be more interested in the whole dressing up part. A woman tends to have a much more complex wardrobe, as we know it culturally. I just plain ole’ love to be able to control the way they look and move. It’s like reverting back to childhood and playing with dolls, like Barbies. I always took hours figuring out what those little plastic women would wear for my perfect love story. I usually took so much time, that after I finally found the perfect outfit I wouldn’t even play with it after. I would just set the doll down and admire it for a few minutes, then start all over again. I took great pleasure in doing this for hours on end sometimes.
As I grew older, I started taking an interest in dressing myself up, like any typical girl; I would sometimes take a long time figuring out what to wear during any normal day. I guess you could say it came from dressing up those dolls. But, I did have certain bodily issues and could never quite fit in all the pretty things I wanted to. I always wanted to dress up, make-up and feel very lady-like on some occasions but it never seemed to feel right. So I guess, that’s where I started enjoying photographing other girls in what I would fantasize wearing. I think that there’s a very strong element of seduction when it comes to posing women in certain clothing. Or maybe it’s the way they’re positioned, legs open, legs cross, mouth slightly open, chin up, whatever the pose, I think it’s a new line of interest for my photography that could lead to something very captivating…

Sup with the Asian horror films?

Random thought…

I’ve come across a lot of Asian horror films lately (2004-2008) that all take place on trains, such as:

Kereta hantu Manggarai (Ghost Train of Mangarai)
Chum thaang rot fai phi (Train of the dead)
Otoshimono (Ghost Train)
Redeu-ai (Red Eye)
Kyôfu ressha (Death Train)

Most of them are types of stories that take place on a ghost train. What is up with that? I know that in a lot of Asian movies, it seems that trains are a representation of the passage of life through death like in the movie, Graves of the Fireflies. But what is it lately that they have on making horrors on trains?? Way to make siderodromophobics even more scared!

Bjork, you are my source of enlightenment...

Since Christmas, I’ve found new appreciation for the Icelandic singer, Bjork. I’m not sure why all of a sudden her music started intriguing me, but I do know that I love some of her lyrics. It seems that, while listening to her songs, I have this changed source of inspiration when it comes to photographing. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but it’s like I feel different towards the subject that I’m shooting while I have her playing in my headphones. It seems to calm and sooth me in a way that I can’t really describe with words. Its like, all reality ceases to exist and I’m at peace with myself…



“I'm no f*cking Buddhist
But this is enlightenment” – Alarm call, Bjork